Oh, Glorious Beef

Thanks to three-dimensional image capturing technology, a thorough and deep appreciation for dry-aged beef, and my good friend Paul Preissner, please enjoy:

The Secret Peter Luger Steakhouse Vault

Gotta love the holidays.

Why must I keep writing about my teams losing?

The Cubs choke in the playoffs. Newcastle are just awful, and inconsistent. The Bears, justly so, choked on the last week of the season to NOT get into the playoffs. Where shall I begin on the ever so easy criticism of any of my favorite sports franchises?

First, Newcastle. Mike Ashley has decided that - hey - since the market is junky and since my team has won a game or two, I don't feel like selling any more. Maybe next week though. Stay tuned! Oh boy, Newcastle is such a caaraaaazy place - these Geordies are gonna LOVE me when I tell 'em the good ol news!! Uh - sorry Mike. As this week has shown we are nowhere NEAR being able to compete for European spots. We beat Tottenham at the last breath, which we all knew we would do (we somehow OWN Spurs), and that got us all in a hot mess. But then we go on to lose to Wigan on Boxing Day (even though it truly was down to some awful decisions by the ref) and then get ABSOLUTELY SPANKED by Liverpool at home. This match was just pitiful. It shows the gap in teams within the Premiership. Similar to the Bears, we do not deserve anything from this season, if anything, we deserve to go down so that the board will be forced to basically declare bankruptcy and start again. It's that bad. We're paper thin, our defense is an absolute JOKE (especially when Steven Taylor shows his face around the pitch) our midfield can NOT provide decent service to our strikers, who, by the way, will pretty much all be on the way out either in January or this summer. So we'll be left with a carcus of a squad anyway - might as well do it in the Championship.

The Bears, who truthfully were awful all season long, didn't make the playoffs, even though all they had to do was WIN against the TEXANS today, based on some other results going our way, and we could have gotten in.

But think about how poor this team is.

Lovie Smith clearly doesn't know how to emotionally prepare a team for a big game. The defense has been shite ever since Rivera left, and how DARE any NFL franchise to hire an ex-Illini coach to ANY position on the coaching staff.

The defense is the most overpaid group of players assembled in the league. Time after time after time today, they blew their coverage, didn't get adequate pressure on the qb, left GAPING holes all over the field, whether it be running or passing, made stupid penalties at inoportune times, etc etc.

The offense is run by Kyle Orton, who literally might not get a starting job on ANY other NFL team, and for some reason, we haven't gone after a QB for a few drafts now. Or free agents. Or trades. We seem to be happy watching the little bitch fight that is the annual Orton-Grossman "QB Controversy." Our wide receivers are awful. Both tight ends are better than any of our receivers. Devin Hester is an absolutely spoiled little brat who's fast with ZERO hands. He's a terrible receiver, and he didn't return a single punt this entire season. So.....what's the benefit of having him on offense -- I mean -- our team, again??? Matt Forte is clearly the best part of our offense, and he's a frigging rookie - we didn't even expect anything out of him this season, and he came on and blew it up. So good for him - but why do I see Adrian Peterson out there so much in clutch situations when Forte is the only opportunity we have of producing?

Special teams have been phenomenal all season, especially the punter and kicker. But when we needed an on-sides kick today to give us a chance, Gould put forth the most pathetic attempt I've ever seen. It's clear we hadn't practiced that - and if we had, good thing we wasted all that time, because it was certainly a waste.

Oh well, at least now I get another 5 months of watching Newcastle embarrass themselves, watching the Bulls embarrass themselves, and soon enough, I'll get to watch the Cubs embarrass themselves too. Go Blackhawks, I guess.

Librivox

I know this is a poor excuse for an entry, especially after such a long hiatus (Happy holidays, everybody!!) but I just quickly wanted to share this link with everybody

http://librivox.org/

This is a FANTASTIC website, where you can download audio books, or read texts, all of which are free and in the public domain. They give options of how to download, one of which is a very smart and efficient podcast download - you can go chapter by chapter so it doesn't take up a large amount of hard drive space. Anyway, go in there, browse and start reading/listening to some of the classics!!

What on Earth is going ON?!

So, somebody stop me before I get carried away here, but have Newcastle actually turned a mini-corner, here? This weekend we took on Portsmouth away. Portsmouth - not the toughest team in the Prem since 'Arry left for Spurs, but the quality is obviously there. And we truly crushed them. 3-0, all goals coming in the second half. Their all-star strike force was left goalless by a new, gelled defensive four (Beye - Curlycini - Bassong - Enrique), our midfield showed calm, patience and intelligence to control the game away from home, and our strike force showed that the Owen/Martins front line can most certainly work.

Take a look at our recent matches:

11/3: 2-0 win vs. Villa

11/9: 2-1 loss at Fulham

11/15: 2-2 draw vs. Wigan

11/22: 0-0 at Chelsea

11/29: 0-0 at Middlesboro

12/6: 2-2 vs. Stoke

12/14: 3-0 win at Portsmouth

And a recap:

11/3, we CRUSHED Villa, now a top-4 side.

11/9 was the match that Cacapa lost for us, where our team played quite well, and he was to blame for both goals. We haven't seen a bit of him since that horrific effort.

11/15 we had WON, but Bramble saved a point for them on THE LAST PLAY.

11/22 was a solid away clean sheet against a top-4 side

11/29 was another solid away clean sheet at our rival's stadium

12/6 we were 2-0 up and playing well, and SOMEHOW gave it away. After this match, I said we were going down.

12/14 (today) we truly deserved 3 points away from home.

Now that's 3 clean sheets out of our last 4 matches, 10 points from our last 7 matches, and some VERY good performances all around. In the Stoke match, we were up by 2 with a clean sheet, until Kinnear switched up our back four, which was playing so well. He brought Steven Taylor on, and we lost the lead. Today, there was not a sign of Steven Taylor, and the clean sheet was kept. I think JFK has learned from his mistake with Stoke, and he'll be playing it safe at the back for a while.

Now we've got Tottenham at home, Wigan away, and Liverpool at home to round out 2008. We have a VERY strong record against Tottenham, so if we don't get a win it will be a disappointment. Wigan away might be tough (because I really like what Steve Bruce has done with the club and wish he would manage Newcastle!) but we should still get 1 or 3 points if we play up to our ability, and then Liverpool at home. Can't see 3 from that, but should be able to secure a draw. That's either 5 or 7 points. If we get 5, it will surely put us in a strong, mid-table position going into 2009, and we will be able to try shooting for a spot in Europe, rather than trying to avoid relegation. It's a massively exiting table right now if you look at it. We're sitting 14th at the moment, only 1 point away from the relegation zone, and only 4 points away from 8th spot!! And it's almost Christmas! So, anything can still happen, and even though I had all but given up hope last week, with every quality performance that we put in, the closer I will be to saying "Intertoto Cup- Here we come!" But not yet.

Easy Gratin

You know what sucks worse than the Cubs? Newcastle. You know what sucks worse than Newcastle? Not much. But one thing is this: Boring dinners. Nobody is better than Mrs. Architecturefootballandfood at taking something that's quick and cheap and easy, and turning it into an interesting, visually pleasing, and delectable dish.

Tonight, we felt like having a hearty pasta dinner. We cooked up some skirt steak (a favorite of ours...great fat content, very tender meat, and not the most expensive cut) and to go with it, turned a simple box of 365 Brand shells and cheese into a nice 3-cheese gratin.

All you have to do is:

Cook up the shells and cheese like normal. But when you're stirring in the butter, milk, and cheese from the packet, add just a bit more butter, and about 150% of the milk called for. it'll be wet. Then, dump it into a glass pie dish, small Pyrex, or any other oven-safe dish. Then, add a bit extra pepper, sprinkle some shredded or shaved cheese over the top (we used a fontina, parmesan, and asiago blend that we got from Whole Foods, but gruyere would be great with this. Don't be afraid of stinky cheeses!), and then topped the whole thing with Panko, a Japanese bread crumb. Any bread crumbs will do, but not too much or too heavy. Then, throw it in the oven for about 20 minutes at 350-400, or until the top turns bround and crispy and Presto! You've got yourself a nice, fancy gratin dish that's good enough to serve to guests. And it looks nice, it tastes great, and it gives you just that much pleasure by feeling like you actually made something that WASN'T out of a box, even though it really was.

Bon Apetit.

AAARRRRGGHGHGHHH!!!

Why do Newcastle suck so bad? This has got to be a new low. We go up 2-0 in the first half. We are OWNING Stoke. (Oh yeah - we're playing STOKE CITY. At home. Relegation fodder.) Owen gets two great goals and the good times are rolling.
Then after halftime, we bring Steven Taylor back on, move Beye to MIDFIELD, and completely use negative tactics and just sit on our asses all half. They get one in the 60th minute, but we're still one up. Then, we take out Oba, and put on Viduka!! WHY OH WHY??? Oba can actually RUN and play defense and create chances!! Viduka is a waste of flesh and space.
Then we give up the equalizer at the 90th minute!!! OOOOOHHHH this has me steamed. These guys, once again, have shown a lack of passion, and lack of professionalism and a lack of manlihood. These guys are spoiled little babies who do not deserve to play in the Premiership. I hope we go down. We WILL go down.

The Color of the Future

Pantone, the most widely used and respected color classification company in the world, has announced that next year's color will be MIMOSA.

While there will, indeed, be many people drinking their breakfast in the coming year, I just can't see this color taking off....reminds me a bit of the "sweaty deli cheese" from Top Chef a couple weeks ago.

Special Comment

I'm sitting here watching the Charlie Gibson interview with President Bush. I've read articles poking fun at it. I watched John Stewart do his usual, hilarious bit on most of what was said. (I, too, will feel a pain in the heart when I can't hear him rail on Bush every night...but I suppose there are other things having to do with politics that might be marginally more important than my giggles.) But as I sit here and watch it again - how dare this guy say these things without the slightest bit of regret, remorse, or even acknowledgement that he has put this country, and the world as a whole, through some of the worst times in modern history.

"You know, I'm the President during this period of time, but I think when the
history of this period is written, people will realize a lot of the decisions
that were made on Wall Street took place over a decade or so, before I arrived
in President, during I arrived in President."

Okay - THIS IS THE PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES. He's acting like, to put it in terms I can understand, a junior architect at a small architecture firm. He's saying "Well, you know - it's not my fault. This shit was already here, so I was like 'whatever.' I mean, who am I to change it?" If he doesn't take responsibility - who does? Apparently, his father. (which is even more weird - "over a decade or so" hits his father's term dead on...some serious Oedipal stuff going on here...) And not only that - and this is obvious - "before I arrived as President, during I arrived in President" - ARE YOU SERIOUS? I know we don't all speak perfectly during live interviews, but 90% of my international friends who use English as their 2nd or 3RD language don't butcher it like this. And oh yeah - have I mentioned that THIS IS THE PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES.

GIBSON: Did you call him on Tuesday about the Fed putting up $600 billion, and
Treasury $200 billion --
BUSH: Yes, yes.
GIBSON: You called him about
that, too?
BUSH: I sure did -- oh, no, no, no, I have not on that.

---HUH?? So what exactly did "Yes, yes" mean? That first yes might have been just a 'kneejerk' reaction yes - kind of like when Cheney said "Hey G - you want to give those mo-fos some shock and awe?" And then Gibson saying, in complete shock "You called him about that too?" And George, starting with "I SURE DID." Can you get more affirmative than that? And on the dime, he does a 180. "Oh, NO, NO, NO." Like "Oh, silly Charlie. Silly, Silly Gibby-Wibby. What do you think I am, a TARD?"

BUSH: Oh, yes. As I said, some times are happy, some not happy. I don't want
people to misconstrue. It's not -- I don't feel joyful when somebody loses their
life, nor do I feel joyful from somebody loses a job. That concerns me. And the
President ends up carrying a lot of people's grief in his soul during a
presidency. One of the things about the presidency is you deal with a lot of
tragedy -- whether it be hurricanes, or tornadoes, or fires, or death -- and you
spend time being the Comforter-in-Chief. But the idea of being able to serve a
nation you love is -- has been joyful. In other words, my spirits have never
been down. I have been sad, but the spirits are up.

Well, I'm exceedingly happy for you, Mr. Pwesidennn. Those hurricanes you speak of...any idea that those were actually partly caused by YOU and your irresponsible ecological decisions? Those deaths you speak of - were you referring to the innocent Iraqi civilians who lost their lives because of the war you started based on false pretense, ego, and bigotry - ALMOST 100,000 OF THEM??? Well - I'm sure the families of the 100,000 dead are having a rough day every now and then - but at least you haven't beaten yourself up about it. I mean - the last thing anybody in this world wants is for your feelings to be hurt.

GIBSON: ...do you feel you were in any way able to change Washington? Or do you
feel --
BUSH: I think we did. I think we brought a results-oriented
government, and we insisted that people focus on results...

You dick.

GIBSON: Is there one more deal in you? Is there one more thing you really want
to achieve?
BUSH: ...wouldn't it be interesting for baby boomers not to
retire in nice places, but to retire -- during their retirement, go help people
deal with malaria or AIDS. In other words -- and I'm not suggesting that's
what I'm going to do, but it is the kind of thing that intrigues me.

John Stewart hit this one out of the park. He said something like "That's like going up to a homeless man on the street and saying 'Hey, wouldn't it be great if I just walked up to you and gave you, like, $10,000 or something? Heh. Man, that'd be something. Well, see ya!" I mean - THIS GUY IS THE PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES!! He's been giving these interviews for 8 years. He just a)distanced himself from "normal" baby boomers, and b)said that he's really NOT THAT interested in helping the world after he leaves office, such as his father and Clinton are doing right now. Ugh. Can you even imagine Barack Obama saying anything remotely as stupid as this?

Look, I have to stop typing about this or I'm going to have a heart attack. It just makes me mad and depressed that after this whole emotional lift of Obama's victory, and even with all the high expectations of what will come, there are still people in the world who still think this guy deserved to be President. They don't realize that he lowered expectations for our most important position of Government. They don't realize how he ripped the constitution to shreds on so many occasions. They will continue to believe crap that he spews out, and similar crap spewed out by similar evil politicians in the future. And with two wars, the worst economic crisis since the great depression, the whole evil, evil Proposition 8 debacle...there's just still so much evil, negativity, and stupidity in this world. And I'm not blaming John Stewart for joking about it. John Stewart is a freaking comedian. It's his job. But Charlie Gibson - PLEASE. Act like a f****ng journalist. Please. Take your job seriously, Sir. An "Uh-Oh moment?" He actually asked Bush if he had "an Uh-Oh moment." Why is he being let off the hook like this? Why don't we look at these crimes more seriously? As the great David Cross once put it, we're treating this guy like he just won a bronze medal in the Special Olympics.

Hopefully more upbeat commentary tomorrow.

The Crappy Baby Bears

I'm going off topic today.

Did anybody see that Bears game on Sunday night? This was one of the more pathetic displays from this team that I've seen in a while, and it can pretty much all be pinpointed to one moment, and I think it's pretty obvious what moment that is.

The Bears are down to the Vikings 1 or 2 yard line. It's the first half. We're up 7-3. We've had a very solid hold on their offense, and we've threatened a couple times. We're in control of this game. On first down, we run up the middle for no gain. Madden (again) praises the enormo-brothers on the Vikings' defensive line, for, well...being obese. And being....there. In the middle, where our guy ran. Anyway. Second down - same thing. Third down, we try to go outside - no gain. During all this, we're not calling time outs, we're not calling hard snaps, we're not sending guys in motion, it's just pound, fail, pound, fail, pound, fail. (That sounds really bad, I know)

Then the Texas Tech vs. Oklahoma game from a couple weeks ago pops into my head. Same thing - visiting team, 4th and goal, early in the game, missed the opportunity, the home crowd IMMEDIATELY got back into the game, and really spurred their team on. From that point on, TT never had a chance at that game.

So I said out loud - "Lovey, please kick it. You HAVE to kick it." But then, once again - no time out, no thought about it, Orton calls hike, gives it to Forte, up the middle, fatness is there, and that's that. I could have screamed.

After that, the very next play, Frerotte throws only the 11th ever 99-yard pass, while still crying in our milk splatter. This is textbook, poorly coached, mentally unprepared, Bears. I have to blame Lovey Smith for this play - this series - which changed the game, and maybe - just maybe - changed our season. Or should I say "ruined."

And I won't go into the part where Madden starts talking about Fatty Fat Fat's family, because he had FINALLY run out of wonderful, amazing, awe-inspiring things to say about his Fatness' on-field play. He was telling how Fat Albert wouldn't let his daughters date - UNLESS they guy showed up for the date with A)enough money to buy his house (Which - still after a full 24 hours I have NO clue on how this is relevant to the courtship and possible future of his family) or B) show up to the date with $50,000 in cash. Is it just me, or is this remarkably similar to straight-up, no holds barred prostitution? Am I missing something? And good ol' Madden goes on and laughs, and talks about this guy like he's the "Real Man" father of the year.

Maybe I need to stick with English football.